How exciting - Niagra bloody falls! I have always wanted to go and today we went.
The 4am start wasn't too great, but Air Canada were - what a great airline! Really polite - and God you need that at that time of the morning - you don't need someone who has a face like a slapped arse gurning at you at 5.30am.
By the time I had finished the Sarah Palin article in this months Vanity Fair (which was brilliant...I hate that stupid cow) we landed in Toronto just over an hour later and was at our hotel by 8.45am! Perfect.
We knew the Falls were around 130kms away and we had hired a driver, but we were so early we made it on an organised Tour - and if it was as good as Dear Amy Sen in Tokyo then we would have a great day.
The bus arrived and we were the last to join it....the driver or "Juan" was my new Amy Sen...he jumped out and greeted us - a small chap, with old porcelain teeth that needed a scrape - but a warm, welcoming guy...when we boarded, we gave the usual polite smiles and nods and found 2 seats. Within 2 minutes I was chuckling to myself.......it was as if we had just boarded a coach with 12 Stelios Flatly's on board. OOOOH yes, apart for the other 2 lost English souls we found ourselves amidst a rowdy crowd of Greek Mechanics no less. Bleeding Hell! These were no sophisticats - I thought it was a stag party at one point. It was like a Harry Enfield Sketch..
Unusually I did find it funny at first, because they were playing Greek music outloud on their naf little mobile phones but they were all playing their own tunes at the same time and talking over each other so it was a real noise and they didn't care about anyone else on the bus...Alex was about to explode ......hence my amusement....although the grin was wiped off my face when we stopped at a beauty spot/photo opportunity when we were told we were ten minutes away from a "rest room" area - but these scuzz buckets wouldn't wait and went into the bushes in a public park and watered the shrubs. Can you believe it?! I thought it was really disrespectful. So I had stopped smiling...
The next thing is bum bags? Have you noticed East Europeans; American "I wanna be a marine" syle Dad's with crew cuts; pot bellies; baggy shorts and white socks and Greek Mechanics all wear them?
A grotesque invention (why not use a rucksack??) which I found fascinating - they were everywhere - one guys bum bag looked as though it would feed 5,000 for 3 months. He didn't just have one water bottle but he had three - he breathed his big old gut in and turned his world survival "Noah's Ark" size bum bag around to reveal a whole array of novelties including a swiss army knife ...all this would have shamed Batman's uility belt. God bless them - "dib dib dob"! Be Prepared!
I loved the Lady in the Midst" boat ride. It was brilliant - irrespective of the que and the soaking - the falls are stunning, breath-taking. It's amazing that 10 thousand years ago the falls where not actually were they are today but were 7 miles up river!...and as for the crazy gits that threw themselves over the edge in little more than a wooden barrel to make a few shillings! - Well frig me!
What I hadn't expected was the truly dreadful commercial development on the Canadian side - it was a perfect storm - the worst of Blackpool and the worst of Clacton on Sea meets the worst of the arse end of the rest of the world. It was a festering bucket of shite - KFC family size style.. with millions of crappy fast food restaurants literally lining the streets marrying up with lame themed restaurants; and naff amusement arcades oh and by the way - what the hell does Frankenstein and Dracula have to do with Niagra Falls? It was Ground zero for every person that ever appeared on Jerry Springer....I saw them all today....the town planners should be shot.
You go from the outstanding beauty of the falls - which leaves you speechless for all the right reasons to the crap on the other side of the street which leaves you speechless for all the wrong reasons!
We went into Wendy's burger bar (yuk) and I have to say it wasn't pretty, nor was the largest builders crack in the northern hemisphere - which was right in my face and owned by a teenager girl who should frankly have been barred from having those 3 big Combo's and wait for it that life saving ...large DIET COKE!! As if that will help her...
We were riven back to the hotel via a vine -yard - YES I thought that was odd too....although after a sample, I think Chateau Neuf doesn't have too much to worry about! Although our Greek friends, who were quite evidently seasoned wine experts actually made some purchases!....God bless them....as for me ...well I was good thanks for cooking vinegar 
Well another day gone and another country/city done too...tomorrow we go to San Francisco - and collect the car for the road trip!
More soon.
